Bound Together by Tragedy
by MJ Awesome
Summary: I know it's been a long time since you've all heard from me, I'm sorry! This is a MnC fic. After a horrible tragdey strikes with their daughter, can a divorced Monica and Chandler make it through it alone? Or will they see that they really need one anothe
1. Where we are now

Bound Together by Tragedy  
  
A/N: This is a sad fic. Well, at least I hope so. If I can make one person cry with this fic, I can do anything. :) Okay, I also wanted to apolgize for my recent absence from FF.net. Technical difficulties and a bad case of writers block. I promise, my other fics will be up and running soon. Please have patience. And like I've said before: If you would like, I will give any writer one of my unfinnished fics. I think they are good, and deserve to at least be finished. I also want to announce the fact that I may soon be retiring from FF.net. We'll see how it goes. So, enjoy! ____________________________________________________________________  
  
"Pink, o-or yellow, Mon?"  
  
Rachel's soft voice opened Monica's eyes. Monica sat at the end of the pink canopy bed, staring at the two small sun dresses Rachel held out in front of her. Monica looked away, then at her hands. How was it, that after "Do you take this man to be you husband?" and "Should we just separate?" the question of pink or yellow would be one of the hardest questions Monica would have to answer?  
  
"You chose." She whispered. Tears filled her eyes. "Although, I always though of Hayley as a yellow sort of girl." She added. Rachel nodded solomnly and faced the closet.  
  
"I think the yellow is perfect." Rachel agreed. Monica put her head in her hands and began to sob. Rachel watched helplessly. Monica had been like this for days.  
  
"Maybe I should call Chandler........." Rachel tried, hoping to make Monica's mood change.  
  
"No." Monica sniffed. "I don't need him. He knows. If he shows up, he does." She said, straight foward. Rachel nodded. Whatever Monica wanted right now, Monica got. The awkward silence was interrupted by Rachel's cell phone, jingling the tune to "In the Jungle." She smiled as she flipped the phone cover to read the caller ID. Closing herself off from Monica's earshot, Rachel moved to the living room.  
  
"Hey." She greeted sadly.  
  
"Hi. Is Mon ok?" The voice asked.  
  
"Yea, better than a few hours ago. Ross, you really need to get over here and comfort your sister. Lord knows Chandler isn't."  
  
"Yea, I just got a call from Chandler." Ross said slowly. Rachel felt her blood run hot. Just the thought of Chandler made her infuriated.  
  
"What did that asshole want?" Rachel asked curtly.  
  
"Hey, Hayley was his daughter too." Ross defended. "He wanted to know when the funeral is." Ross added quickly.  
  
"Oh? Did you tell him?" Rachel asked.  
  
"Yea. He really wants to be there........."  
  
"How sweet. He misses everything else about his daughter but he makes it to her funeral." Rachel snipped.  
  
"I know. Just know that Samantha isn't going to be there." Ross added.  
  
"Good." Rachel sighed. "God, poor Monica. She's crushed." Rachel felt her eyes well up. "And poor Hayley........."  
  
"I know Rach. But you gotta be strong, for Monica." Ross said sternly.  
  
"I know. I know." Rachel wimpered. "It's just so hard. She was only four.......... She was such a beautiful little girl........." Rachel began sobbing.  
  
"I'm serious, Rach. Keep it together!" Ross said louder. "I'm on my way over right now. DON'T say anything crazy." He added.  
  
"Okay sweetie. I love you." Rachel said.  
  
"I love you too." With that, Rachel folded her phone back and wiped her eyes dry with her fingertips. Monica soon emerged from her bedroom. Rachel sighed. "Mon........." She whispered, walking over and embracing Monica. They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Rachel glanced at Monica, who simply sat on the couch. Rachel walked over to the door and opened it. A familiar blonde entered.  
  
"Hi Rachel." Phoebe whispered. She glanced passed Rachel and at Monica. "Is she ok?" She asked.  
  
"I think she'll be happy to see you." Rachel urged. Phoebe walked in towards Monica.  
  
"Hi sweetie." Phoebe said. Monica smiled a weak smile.  
  
"Hi Pheebs." Monica said quietly. "I never thought, a big movie star would come to visit me. Where's your husband?" Monica asked.  
  
"Ah, Joey's talking to Ross outside." Phoebe said.  
  
"Hayley would have wanted to see him........." Monica said looking at the picture of her little girl on the mantle.  
  
"Yea. Hey, I like this house a lot better than your apartment." Phoebe said, changing the subject. She was right, it was a beautiful house. There were large windows and three stories. Monica sighed once more.  
  
"It just seems so empty now."  
  
"Well, we're here now. How about we get you some tea." Phoebe smiled, stroking Monica's leg. Moncia nodded.  
  
"Tea would be good." Both stood to enter the kitchen, where Rachel was already boiling water.  
  
"So, how was the flight?" Rachel asked. Phoebe nodded.  
  
"It was okay. You know, you should all come out and visit Joey and I in California." Phoebe declaired.  
  
"Yea. That would be fun."  
  
"And Rachel, did I see Ross holding a little lady outside?" Phoebe asked smiling ear to ear. Moncia began to stir her tea a little faster.  
  
"Yup, that's out Gracie. Just turned three." Rachel said proudly.  
  
"She's gotten so big. Last time I saw her she wasn't even able to hold her head up." Phoebe admired.  
  
"Mommy, Uncle Joey got my nose!" A squeeky voice rang. Soon, Rachel felt a little girl katapult into her legs.  
  
"Ow, sweetie, no running in the house!" Rachel scolded. Gracie proceeded to run out of the kitchen. Rachel chuckled.  
  
"Kids." Phoebe sighed, then pressed her lips together, watching Monica's expression. "I'm so sorry Mon........." Phoebe said slowly. Monica put up a hand to quiet her.  
  
"Don't worry about it." Monica said a bit annoyed. "If you'd both excuse me, I've got to go figure out what stuffed animal my daughter is going to be burried with."  
  
XOXOElizabethXOXO  
  
More to come. 


	2. Preparations

Bound Together by Tragedy  
  
A/N: Okay, people, don't be pissed due to the reasons why Monica and Chandler aren't together. Just know that there will be a happy ending, ok? :)  
  
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Monica sat on the hardwood floors in Hayley's room. She fingered through Hayley's belongings: Pictures, stuffed animals, barbies. Monica held up a blue dog that Hayley had named Vic. Monica smiled a little, remembering the day that Hayley got that dog. Chandler had been late coming home from work, again. He brought in the dog. Hayley was only a few months old, but loved that dog. Monica's smile soon faded.  
  
Chandler. Hayley had been her constant reminder of Chandler. They had been so miserable. Monica was so happy when she became pregnant, hoping it was a way to keep their marriage alive. But Chandler got scared, and started doing stupid things. To start off, he began smoking again. Monica had tried everything to rid him of the habit, but nothing seemed to work. Then, he began working late. At least, that's what he called it. In reality, he was with a "client" who just so happened to be a leggy blonde that went by Samantha. Monica didn't even try to keep Chandler. He was gone before Hayley even said her first word.  
  
And now Hayley was gone too. It all happened so fast, Monica couldn't even comprehend how in one instant, her reason for living was gone. Ever since Hayley was little, Monica had been warned about Hayley's allergy to peanuts. Monica had always taught Hayley what she could and couldn't eat. Monica hadn't even considered M&Ms. It only took one at her friend's birthday party to take poor Hayley's life. Only one.........  
  
"Hey sis, can I come in?" Ross asked after lightly rapping at her door. Monica nodded. Her face was drenched with tears. She was so used to the feeling now, she didn't even realize she had been crying. Ross studied the torn up dog that Monica held to her chest securely. "How are you doing?"  
  
"How do you thing I'm doing?" Monica snipped. "She's gone........." Monica sobbed. Ross didn't hesitate to embrace his sister. She felt no shame, she cried. She cried and cried into her brother's shirt until it was so damp, Ross had to later towel himself off. But for now, he accepted the wetness and cried with her.  
  
"Breathe Monica, breathe." Ross coaxed. Monica took in a deep breath as the tears continued. She felt physical pain in her stomach as it spun. "Sweetie, you need to eat." Ross said after hearing her stomache growl.  
  
"I can't." Monica cried. "I've tried. My stomach won't let me."  
  
"I'm serious Mon. You need food." He said sternly. "I'm getting you a salad or something." Monica nodded, accepting this. She stood up shakily.  
  
"R-Rach said you t-talked to him." Monica stated. "Is he-he coming?" She asked. Ross sighed.  
  
"I don't know hon. I just don't know. He wants to be there." Ross said slowly.  
  
"Does he know it's tomorrow?" Monica asked. Ross nodded.  
  
"I told him. I gave him all of the details." Ross didn't want to stick to this conversation too much longer. He knew Monica was still hurting over Chandler.  
  
"Oh........." Monica whispered. "I need some more time alone. Hayley needs her shoes picked out. And I still need to find that stuffed animal." Monica said, much more calm now. Ross nodded.  
  
"Just tell me if you need anything." He said before closing the door quietly behind him. He walked over towards Joey, Rachel and Phoebe who were standing around the living room, too nervous and distressed to sit down and relax. All eager to help Monica whenever she needed anything. Ross looked over at Rachel, beckoning her to follow him onto the balcony.  
  
"What's up?" Rachel asked, closing the slider door. The summer heat was still thick, even now, at night. Rachel's shirt clung to her stomach. "Is she okay? Did you tell her?"  
  
"No, I couldn't tell her. She really wants him to be there. You can just tell." Ross said, talking about Chandler. Rachel nodded.  
  
"I know. I never doubted it." Rachel said nodding. "What should we do?" Rachel asked.  
  
"I don't know. Chandler obviously doesn't want to be there. It's his choice." Ross shrugged.  
  
"That bastard........." Rachel said under her breath.  
  
"Rach-" Ross said in a scolding tone.  
  
"No, I'm serious!" Rachel said loudly. "That prick can't even be there for his daughter's funeral! Not even for his ex-wife who spent four years raising Hayley alone!" Rachel made her point quite passionatly. Ross nodded.  
  
"I know sweetie. I know." Ross pulled her into a hug. "Chandler's probably just afraid.........."  
  
"Afraid of what?" Rachel sniffled. Ross paused.  
  
"Afraid of realizing what he's missed out on and not being able to get it back."  
  
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"Hello Monica." Carman, the mortician greeted as Monica stood on the front steps of the funeral home she had chosen to have Hayleys funeral.Monica simply nodded.  
  
"More flowers arrived today. The yellow daisies you ordered are up on the alter. Some yellow roses and a wreath arrived from your parents." Carman announced. Monica looked to the alter. It really was beautiful, despite the circumstances. The coffin she had picked out was so small. Just a simple, oak coffin with a rose engraved in the top. She felt goosebumps on her arms and rubbed them away. Monica walked to the coffin. She peered down.  
  
There she was. So little, so frail. Monica was afraid to touch her, but at the same time wanted to grab her and never let go. Monica studied Hayley's appearance. Her wavy black hair was pulled up in a bow on top of her head, fastened with a yellow ribbon. Her little fingers were laced together with eachother, clasped upon her stomach. She was so beautiful. Monica choked.  
  
"Hi baby girl." Monica whispered. She put her hand on her forehead and stroked it. "Hi my beautiful baby girl." She repeated. Soon, her vision of Hayley became blurry because of her tear. Moncia wiped them away, afraid of losing her sight of Hayley. She bent down and kissed her cold cheek. "Don't be scared." She whispered. "Mommy loves you so so much." Monica's voice cracked. "Mommy will always be there. Don't be scared."  
  
Carman soon came up to Monica with a bouquet of pink carnations. "I thought you'd want to see these." Carman suggested, handing Monica the bouquet. Monica studied the flowers.  
  
"Where did these come from?" Monica whispered. But Carman had already left to her office. Monica felt a chill in the room, and she shuddered again. The flowers were so pretty. She almost forgot to read the tag.  
  
"To Hayley, Love Daddy. You'll always be daddy's little girl." Was all it read. Monica eyes brimmed with tears. She threw the flowers to the floor and collapsed onto the first pew, sobbing uncontrollably. Luckily enough, Rachel and Phoebe soon entered.  
  
"Monica?" Phoebe asked, startled. Phoebe embraced Monica, while Rachel looked around to see what had upset her so. Phoebe was the one who pointed to the flowers that lay on the floor. Rachel swallowed and bent down, picking them up and reading the tag. While Phoebe and Rachel discussed the situation quietly. Moncia walked over to the cross.  
  
"Why?" She sobbed quietly. She knew that there would be no answer from that cross. "WHY Would you take her from me?" She screamed. "What kind of GOD are you?!" Rachel and Phoebe both came to Monica's side, leading her away from the cross.  
  
"Let's go Mon. Come on." They said in unison. Monica broke away.  
  
"No." She weeped hysterically. "I can't- I can't leave my baby! I can't leave her!" She screamed. Monica hurried back over to Hayley. She began whispering to her and holding her hand. Phoebe and Rachel looked at one another helplessly.  
  
"She's not going to let go." Phoebe whispered.  
  
"No. This is another thing she's going to hold onto until she accepts it." Rachel whispered back. Of course, the other thing Rachel was referring to was Chandler.  
  
XOXOElizabethXOXO 


	3. The Funeral

Bound Together By Tragedy  
  
A/N: Are Monica and Ross Jewish? I think so, but let's just pretend their not, ok? OK!  
  
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"Where's Monica?" Ross whispered as Phoebe and Rachel slowly entered the living room, closing Hayley's door behind them.  
  
"She's asleep. In Hayley's bed." She said sadly.  
  
"How long has she been like this?" Joey asked, looking to both Ross and Rachel for the answer.  
  
"Since the day it happened." Ross said. "She really can't accept the fact that Hayley's gone."  
  
"Well, you can't expect her to." Rachel said shortly. "She's only been gone for three days. Of course Mon's still grieving." She added. The truth was, all of them were tense knowing that Monica hadn't been the same since Chandler left her three and a half years ago.  
  
"So, he's not coming?" Joey asked sadly, changing the subject to the thing they were all avoiding.  
  
"He made it pretty clear that he wasn't wanted." Ross said, being the only one who had talked to him during the years. Although Ross would never forgive Chandler for what he did to Monica, Chandler was still Ross' best friend and they shared an understanding due to Ross straying away from Rachel so long ago, the whole "Break" fiasco. Luckily, he and Rachel got passed that. But Ross still hoped inside of him that Chandler would come back, however impossible that seemed.  
  
"But- he is wanted." Joey said quietly. Ross peered at Joey for a long moment, finally seeing that Joey's opinion of Chandler had changed a lot since a few years ago. The fact that Joey wanted Chandler within the same state as him surprised him. Joey was perhaps the most loyal of all of the friends. The day Chandler betrayed Monica, in Joey's eyes he had betrayed all of them.  
  
"Well, he doesn't want to come." Phoebe said.  
  
"And he's right, he ISN'T wanted." Rachel said huffily. She, perhaps, being Monica's best friend and godmother to Hayley had seen Monica's suffering first hand, and hated Chandler the most. "We'll do fine without him." She added. Ross pulled Rachel closer to him, hugging her to calm her down.  
  
"Come on Rach. We should go get Gracie home, into bed." He said. Rachel sighed.  
  
"Ross, let's just stay here tonight. Monica needs us..........all of us." Rachel said sadly.  
  
"Rach's right." Joey said nobly. "We should all just stay here." They all agreed. They should be there to help Monica. Tomorrow was the funeral.  
  
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The bright flowers didn't disguise the angst of the situation. The funeral home was just as a funeral home should be. Somber, quiet, and full of tears. Mixtures of 'She was so young,' and 'Poor Monica,' filled the room. And though Monica needed people the most then, everyone seemed to pass by her with tearful glances. Barely anyone spoke to her, besides to apologize for her loss. No one really knew what to say. No one there had ever lost a little girl. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the reverend took the stand. Rachel squeezed Monica's hand as if reassuring her that she was there.  
  
"Today we greive the worst. God has lifted a child up into his arms to join him in heaven. Why is this sad? She is home. She feels no more pain. Perhaps it hurts us most because she was so young, and had so much more to live for." The brief opening was one that seemed to touch everyone. "Hayley Karen Bing. She leaves behind so much, but more importantly, she leaves behind a legacy. During the brief few months that I've known Hayley, I can't say she hasn't made an impact on my life. I'd like to tell a little story." The reverend smiled. "You see, a few months ago, a woman and her daughter showed up to one of my sermans with the Gellers. The moment I met little Hayley, she brought a smile to my face. Do you want to know why?" He asked the group. "Because she told me that she knew who Jesus was. She said she had followed him and welcomed him into her heart. I was so impressed that this little girl of only four knew who the heck Jesus was so I asked her, 'how do you know Jesus?' and you know what that little girl said? She said she knew him because God was the only daddy she knew."  
  
Monica gulped as the whole group looked at her with "I'm so sorry" looks.  
  
"Hayley had many gifts. One of those gifts is all of you who are here today. I am going to pass the stand over to Hayley's Godparents, Rachel and Ross Geller." The reverend announced. Ross and Rachel stood silently, handing little Gracie to Phoebe, and walked to the stand.  
  
"Hayley had something special." Rachel began strongly. "Just ask anyone here, and they'll tell you."  
  
"Hayley was such a blessing in our lives." Ross added. "She was always smiling, and was all in all, a very good little girl."  
  
"The fact that Hayley was my god daughter makes me so proud." Rachel sobbed. "I know that she would have been so successful, otherwise her beauty would be envious."  
  
"Hayley will always be part of the family. Although she's not here physically, mentally, she's always going to be there." Ross ended. Slowly, they made their ways back to their seats. The reverend reappeared.  
  
"I know that this little girl had a wonderful mom who really cared. In fact, I'm going to ask Monica to come up here and tell the group about Hayley." The reverend said. Monica grinned mildly through her tears, but stood and made her way to the stand. She glanced over at Hayley on her way, but took in a deep breath. She pulled out a few peices of paper; her speech she had been writing all night long.She cleared her throat.  
  
"W-well. Uh, wh-what can I say about Hayley?" She began reading. "Hayley was my everything. My sun, my stars. My life. I-I don't think any parent can imagine waking up and realizing that your-" Monica stopped and just stood there sadly. She wiped her tears away. "You know what?" She finally said quietly. "I'm not going to read. I'm just going to tell you how I feel now." She said. Joey and Pheobe both smiled a bit, edging her on. "Like I said, I don't think any parent can ever imagine waking up and realizing that their reason for living, their own child, wasn't there. But, that is my reality. I have to say, I am trying everything within my power to keep it together. To not climb into that casket with her. But I know that all of you are experiencing this loss with me, which makes it a little easier to bare." Monica sobbed. "Hayley had a light around her. I know it seems so strange, but part of me can't believe that she's gone. I've caught myself, in the early morning before my brain can remember why I'm sleeping in her bed rather than my own, I feel her. I can see her over me. She's everywhere. In the trees. In the sky. But most of all, in my heart." Monica choked.  
  
A familiar face entered the back of the room.  
  
"Hayley will always be the most important person in my life. Not only because of her constant love, but the fact that I knew she would never leave me on purpose. She was always at my side." That's when Monica glanced up long enough to see him. "Chandler?" She whispered. Everyone looked around, but then back at her. Monica shook her head. "I will always love Hayley.Simply because, she's my baby." Monica sobbed. "Please excuse me." She said as she ran out of the chapel.  
  
XOXOElizabethXOXO 


	4. And with every goodbye you learn

Bound Together by Tragedy  
  
Monica splashed a handful of water over her burning eyes. She patted her cheeks, and wiped away the mixture of make up, tears and water from her face. She leaned against the bathroom sink with her eyes closed, quietly convincing herself, 'I'm only seeing things.' She sobbed quietly, putting her back against the wall and sliding down until she was sitting on the floor.  
  
"Stop........." She whispered. "That wasn't him......" She weeped. Chandler had already said he wasn't coming. Monica knew that he meant it. He wasn't here. That wasn't his face in the back of the room, crying silently. Watching.  
  
~~~~~Four and a half years ago:~~~~  
  
Monica sighed, exhaustedly, with a six month old Hayley on her hip as she watched the headlights turn into her driveway. She had the telephone to her ear.  
  
"Never mind, Rach." She said quietly, wiping the tears from her eyes. "He just pulled in the drive." She added, before hanging up. She set Hayley down on a blanket on the floor, and like always, Hayley began to scream. Chandler soon opened the door looking dazed and confused. Monica greeted him with her hands on her hips.  
  
"I left messages. Why is it that your secretary doesn't seem to be doing her job?" She fumed. Chandler rolled his eyes.  
  
"Come on Mon, I don't need this tonight." he sighed. Monica gritted her teeth and put her finger in his face.  
  
"I'm not even going to ASK where you've been, or WHY you smell like her, but I will ask you WHY you don't find it important to call your wife back after messages that say it was an emergancy." Monica said in a low tone.  
  
"Whatever, Monica. Everything is a fucking emergancy with you." He said, air quoting "Emergancy." Monica's eyes burned.  
  
"Oh really? Well, since I just spent all night in the EMERGANCY room with OUR daughter!?" Moncia yelled.  
  
"What happened?" Chandler asked, his tone changing. "Is Hayley alright?"  
  
"NO! She's not alright! She's had a 104* degree temperature for the past five hours!" Monica yelled. "But I'm glad that fucking your little girlfriend was more important than coming home to your daugher." She said, starting to walk off. Chandler grabbed her arm.  
  
"I'm sorry Mon. I'm so sorry." He said.  
  
"Oh, wow. You're apologizing rather early in this fight." She said seriously. "What else did you do?" She asked, her eyes peircing into him.  
  
"I'm trying Mon. I really am. Samantha just has a way..." He trailed off.  
  
"You said you were going to stop seeing her." Monica whispered. "I'm not putting up with this." She added. "I'm paying up the ass in marriage counseling, which you don't even make it to." She began to cry.  
  
"But Mon, I-" Chandler stopped. He watched her gaze. Slowly, he brought his lips to hers, but Monica pulled away.  
  
"Go." She whispered. Chandler didn't think he'd heard right. "I'm not holding you back anymore. Get your stuff, and get out."  
  
"Mon, no, I'm not-"  
  
"GO." She said louder. "If you love Hayley, you won't let her grow up like this." Monica pulled her hands away from his. "Samantha's waiting." She added quietly. And that was that. He left.  
  
~~~PRESENT:~~~  
  
Monica hadn't ever meant to tell Chandler to leave. He was supposed to have tried to get her back, but never once did he try. Monica put her head in her hands.  
  
"Monica?" A voice rang. Monica knew that voice, in fact, it sent chills up and down her spine.  
  
"I thought you weren't coming." Monica said quietly, not looking at him. Chandler knelt down beside her.  
  
"I wasn't going to." He said. "But, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't." He added sincerly. Monica began to laugh. It was a hearty, full laugh. Chandler was taken aback.  
  
"Oh, I'm so HAPPY that you came. Now you can live with yourself for NEVER BEING THERE." She screamed. She stood up quickly. "Wow. HOW THE FUCK do you sleep at night? Don't worry, Hayley's gone. You're in for some sweet dreams." She said hurtfully.  
  
"This wasn't how I wanted to see you both again........."Chandler said quietly. Monica nodded.  
  
"Yea, it wasn't my ideal situation either. But, you know, really you never lost anything. You and Hayley never had anything to begin with." She said seriously.  
  
"Don't you think I know that?" Chandler said, suddenly defensive. Both were quiet for a long moment.  
  
"I don't really think I have time for this." Monica said glaring at him. Monica didn't want to be mad at him, but she was. So much anger and hurt and love were still bottled up inside of her, mixing like il and water, which is not very well. So the anger was the oil: the only thing that stayed on top. She wanted to kiss him, and slap him and kill him, all at once. This breif meeting wasn't at all how she pictured it would be when they saw one another again. Monica sighed, and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Chandler there alone.  
  
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The casket arose over the group's heads and slowly began lowering. Monica stood there. Not one tear fell, and she didn't know why. She was numb. It was so much harder to say goodbye looking at her then saying goodbye after they'd closed the casket.  
  
Monica held a bouquet. Pink carnations, to be exact. Soon enough, Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe all sauntered over to Monica. Ross put his arm around her, slightly hugging her.  
  
"We're all here for you Mon." He reassured.  
  
"Yea, we'll be here for as long as you need us." Joey added. Monica smiled as much as her heart would let her. Suddenly, the reverend returned. He had a paper in his hand. It was the poem Monica had chosen for the closing service.  
  
"Comes the dawn........." His voice boomed. Everyone looked to him. "After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't mean security.And begin to learn that kisses acren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open. With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid flight. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too mcuh. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own sou, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. Then you learn that you really can endure.... That you really are strong and you really do have worth, and you learn and you learn..........with every goodbye you learn."  
  
XOXOElizabethXOXO  
  
Poem: "Comes the Dawn" Authored by a 12 year old girl in Holland who was confined to a wheelchair. I don't know her name but good god! Isn't that a perfect poem? Sorry. More to come! 


	5. Bound

Bound Together By Tragedy  
  
Chandler circled the block for the fifth time in the city. He needed time to think. He was just so happy that no one had noticed him at the burial. He had stood a far distance away, but every word that the reverend stated had been within earshot. "And you learn and you learn, and with every goodbye you learn." What did that mean? Chandler kept running lines from the poem in his mind. Soon the words and lines became mixed and in the wrong order until he forgot them completely. However, that one line stayed in his brain. And he had a feeling it wouldn't go away for a long time.  
  
Chandler glanced down at his watch. 2:45 am. He didn't care anymore. He needed to see her.  
  
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Monica tossed and turned inside of her bed. She wanted so badly to get up and go into Hayley's room, but knew that she couldn't. It was different now. She had said goodbye. But still, Monica couldn't stop thinking about seeing Chandler again today.She hadn't told anyone that she saw him, which she regretted. At least if they knew, they would have the chance to say hello to him. He was, afterall, one of their long lost friends.  
  
Monica sat up, putting her forehead to her knees and just breathing slowly. She listened to the clock on the wall tick-tock for a few seconds, then jusmped by the ringing of her phone. It was 3:00 in the morning.She reluctantly picked up the phone, shakily bringing it to her ear.  
  
"Hello?" She breathed.  
  
"Monica." Chandler whispered. Monica shut her eyes, hoping for him to go away, but she knew he wasn't going to.  
  
"What are you doing?" She asked shortly. "It's three in the morning."  
  
"I had a feeling you were still up." Chandler said slowly.  
  
"Why?" Monica asked laying back down on her pillow.  
  
"Because your light is on in your room."  
  
"How do you know that?" Monica asked, standing up. She peered out her window, into the street. There were no cars, and not much of anything, except rain. She waited for Chandler's response.  
  
"I'm outside." Chandler said suddenly. Monica felt her chest grow hot.  
  
"Chandler-" She said in a warning tone.  
  
"Please just let me in. I just want to talk to you. In person."  
  
"No!" Monica whispered harshly. "Go away!" She demanded.  
  
"Come on! Please!?" Chandler begged. "I need to talk to you!"  
  
"I mean it Chandler, you'd better go right now!"  
  
"If you don't let me in, I'm going to ring the door bell, and that's going to wake the others up." Chandler insisted. Monica paused.  
  
"Just go..." She whispered, tears brimming. She didn't want to deal with this right now.  
  
"Monica, please. I'm cold, and I'm wet." Chandler pleaded. She looked out the window again, as rain fell.  
  
"It's summer." Monica said with lack of concern, "You'll warm up."  
  
"Okay, just give me two minutes. Just two! I want to see you." He said sadly. Monica finally gave in when she caught a glimps of him on her driveway. She couldn't help but pity him. He was drenched, and she could see he was in bad shape.  
  
"Two minutes, and then you go." Monica caved. "I'll be right down." she added before setting her phone on the reciever. She sat for a moment, exhailing, before she stood up and wrapped a robe around her small figure. Monica brushed the hair away from her face as she walked down the stairs and to the front door, where she flipped on the front porch light and opened it. Chandler stared helplessly at her. Monica motioned for him to enter, where she led him to the kitchen.  
  
"Do you want something to drink?" Monica offered, breaking the silence. Chandler simply shook his head, and swallowed hard.  
  
"You're still so beautiful." he said quietly. Monica cleared her throat, ignoring his sweet gesture.  
  
"What is it you want?" She asked, folding her arms.  
  
"How have you been?" he asked. Monica shrugged.  
  
"I'm hurt." She said sadly. "What about you?"  
  
"I'm........numb." Chandler said quietly. "I must be the worst person in the world for feeling that way. I haven't even cried once."  
  
"You've got nothing to cry over." Monica said hurtfully.  
  
"You act like she was only your daughter." Chandler shot at her. Monica threw a dishrag at his face, but Chandler caught it.  
  
"She was." Monica snipped. Chandler wiped the rain from his face, then set the rag on the table. "Was this all you wanted?" Monica said impatiently.  
  
"What was she like?" Chandler asked. Monica leaned against the counter.  
  
"I don't know." She began. A small smile formed across her lips. "She was sweet. She reminded me of me in a lot of ways. She was stubborn. Neat. Oh, she had her dolls set up from smallest to biggest." Monica laughed. Chandler smiled.  
  
"Just like her mom." He said looking down. Monica noted a little hurt in his tone.  
  
"But oh, she was just like her daddy." Monica added. Chandler smiled and looked up.  
  
"Really?" He asked, beaming.  
  
"Oh yea. She was funny. She would make little comments about everything. But she was so caring, and patient. Just like you were." Monica said smiling brilliantly.  
  
"I'm sorry I never knew her." Chandler said, darkening the mood once more. This brought the wall up around Monica's heart again, remembering the fact that Chandler really never was there, and so she shut herself off from him again.  
  
"Yea. You could have been. But you weren't." She said, her smiling turning into a frown. Chandler stepped to her, setting his hands on her hips in habit.  
  
"Monica, I am so sorry I was never there." Chandler said sincerly. "There is not enough time in the world for me to make it up to you."  
  
"You shouldn't HAVE to make it up to me." Monica said loudly, shaking her head. "The one you should make it up to is the one who isn't even here for you to make it up to." Monica added. Chandler looked down. Monica brought his face back up. "And nothing will ever change that. She's gone, and you didn't even KNOW her." Monica whispered. Chandler's eyes watered, until tears rolled down his cheeks.  
  
"I'm so sorry Monica." He sobbed. Monica pulled him in for a hug, and he burried his face into her shoulder. Monica got lost in the moment. She had forgotten how she missed his body this close to her. She forgot his scent. She forgot so much.  
  
There were nights when the wind was so cold  
  
That my body froze in bed  
  
If I just listened to it  
  
Right outside the window  
  
"I died the day you left me..." Chandler sobbed.  
  
There were days when the sun was so cruel  
  
That all the tears turned to dust  
  
And I just knew my eyes were  
  
Drying up forever  
  
"I've been dead these past four years, Mon. I wasn't there when you needed me. You have every reason to hate me..." She stared at him in disbelief, her eyes glistening.  
  
I finished crying in the instant that you left  
  
Though I can't remember where or when or how  
  
"There is nothing I can do to make you understand how sorry I am...but I am sorry. Even if you don't believe me, I need to tell you that." With his eyes directly on hers he whispered, "I'm sorry Mon."  
  
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made  
  
But when you touch me like this  
  
And you hold me like that  
  
I just have to admit  
  
That it's all coming back to me  
  
When I touch you like this  
  
And I hold you like that  
  
It's so hard to believe  
  
"Say something, please..." After so many years, Monica was hearing the words she had been secretly wishing for, but believed she would never hear. She looked at the ground, wanting so badly to say something, but not knowing of what to say...  
  
But it's all coming back to me  
  
If you kiss me like this  
  
And if you whisper like that  
  
It was lost long ago  
  
But it's all coming back to me  
  
If you want me like this  
  
And if you need me like that  
  
It was dead long ago  
  
But it's all coming back to me  
  
It's so hard to resist  
  
And it's all coming back to me  
  
I can barely recall  
  
But it's all coming back to me now  
  
But you were history with the slamming of the door  
  
And I made myself so strong again somehow  
  
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then  
  
Monica caught herself before she completely gave in. "No! NO! It is NOT that easy, Chandler!" She cried angrily and spun around. "You never even TRIED to spend time with Hayley!"  
  
If you forgive me all this  
  
If I forgive you all that  
  
We forgive and forget  
  
As it's all coming back to me  
  
When you see me like this  
  
And when I see you like that  
  
We see just what we want to see  
  
As it's all coming back to me  
  
The flesh and the fantasies  
  
All coming back to me  
  
I can barely recall  
  
but it's all coming back to me now...  
  
"Monica, I died the day you left me...." Chandler tried again. Monica shook her head.  
  
"I didn't leave you Chandler. You left me. I just never stopped you." Monica sobbed. Chandler opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "I think you'd better go."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Your two minutes are up." Monica cut him off. Chandler nodded, and showed himself to the door.  
  
Monica was jolted by the door slamming, and sat down on her couch before bursting into tears. She looked at herself in the mirror that was opposite her on the wall. Her eyes were sunken in and dark. Her hair was a frizzy mess. She felt anything but beautiful. She was going to be sick. But most of all, she needed to end this constant pain. Monica grabbed her coat and headed out the door.  
  
XOXOELIZABETHXOXO  
  
More coming! Ideas welcomed! 


	6. Damn Cold Night

Bound Together By Tragedy  
  
Monica looked down from the bridge. Tears running down her face. Her eyes ablaze and smoldering, burning. The lump in her throat made it hard for her to swallow, while her mouth watered in nervousness as she studied the gentle slapping of the water below her. The water that would soon be disturbed by her body. She shook her head and fixated on her wedding ring. The diamond gleamed from the one light overhead. The rain poured down upon her. The angels were crying with her.  
  
In an act of anger, with a slight scream, she threw the ring as far as she could, following it as it plummeted down into the currents and waves. Monica wiped her tears away as she took a step up, onto the rim. She took in a deep breath and looked up at the dark sky. Her high heels weren't very supportive, and the rim was slippery. She grabbed onto a large column and held on to it securely, continuing to weep. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't do it.  
  
Monica trembled from the cold. Her eyes held helplessness. Vulnerability. She was alone. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed slowly. Not sure what she was doing. It took three rings before a voice came groggily on the other end.  
  
"Hello?" It whispered. Monica felt her tears increase. She couldn't say anything. "Hello?" The voice asked again.  
  
"Ch-Chandler?" Monica asked. There was no response. Monica continued to sob. "Chandler, I need you."  
  
I'm standing on the bridge  
  
Waiting in the dark  
  
I thought that you'd be here by now  
  
There's nothing but the rain  
  
No footsteps on the ground  
  
I'm listening but there's no sound  
  
Isn't anyone trying to find me?  
  
Won't somebody come take me home?  
  
It's a damn cold night  
  
Trying to figure out this life  
  
Won't you take me by the hand take me somewhere new  
  
I don't know who you are but I-  
  
I'm with you  
  
"Monica, where are you?" Chandler's voice asked quietly.  
  
"The Wright Bridge." Monica sobbed.  
  
"Oh my God." Chandler gasped. "I'll be right there."  
  
Monica folded her phone and set it in her coat pocket. Streams of mascara lingered down her cheeks as she cried. They were mixed with rain and cold air, forming a hurricane in her eyes. She wipped them away again. Her dreams and hopes for a perfect life were shattered into millions upon millions of microscopic pieces that could never be put back together. She felt physical pain in her stomach, twisting like a thorn in her side. She stared up at the sky again, thoughts on whether or not she should feel the freedom of air beneath her feet.  
  
"Help me." She sobbed. "I'm so lost. I don't know what to do anymore."  
  
The rain was slowing. Monica was grateful for this. She was terrified of being up so high. Luckily for her, Chandler got there much faster than she expected. He ran to her. He didn't jog, or walk, he ran as fast as he could. The first thing Chandler did was embrace her as closely and as tight as he could. After he pulled away, he shook her by the shoulders.  
  
"What are you thinking?" He shouted.  
  
"I don't know!" She shouted back. "I didn't know what else to do!" Tears and rain mixed down her cheeks. Chandler wrapped his coat around her as he led her to the car.  
  
"Come on, I'm taking you home." He said. Monica stopped.  
  
"No, I can't be alone." This was true. Monica was terrified of being alone now. She didn't know what she was going to do. "I need you. I-I know it's weak of me, or pathetic, but I need you tonight like I've never needed you."  
  
"Where am I supposed to take you?" Chandler asked, dumbfounded.Monica wrapped her arms around him and kissed his lips unsuspectingly.  
  
"Just.........away from here."  
  
XOXOELIZABETHXOXO 


	7. Love to love you

**Bound Together By Tragedy  
**  
The sunshine fell down upon Monica's eyelids. They fluttered, and then opened revealing her blue, icy corneas and adjusting pupils. A smile crossed her lips, because she was at a blissful moment when she really didn't know where she was, until she heard breathing beside her. Monica strained her neck and looked to see Chandler, still peacefully sleeping, beside her.  
  
Monica felt sudden anger with herself. She was ashamed that she was back in his bed, because she was that pathetic. She slipped out from under the covers and began dressing quickly, hoping to get out of the hotel before he was awake. While she fumbled with her shoe, however, Chandler stirred and soon opened his eyes.  
  
"Hey......" he smiled. Monica stood silently, looking at her hands. "Where are you going?" Chandler asked, suddenly feeling a slight panic. Monica opened her mouth, but nothing came out. "Come on, come back to bed," he said climbing out of bed and over to her. He leaned in and tried to kiss her lips, but she turned her head, and he ended up kissing her cheek. "What's going on?"  
  
"I need to go." Monica whispered. Chandler stepped back.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"I just need to!" she yelled. Chandler sat on the end of the bed.  
  
"Monica, don't do this again. Don't-"  
  
"Stop it Chandler!" Monica said loudly. "It's NOT going to work between us. Thank you for being there for me last night, but I'm very comforted. I don't need you anymore." She let her words trail into a whisper. Chandler just stared.  
  
"I'm going to California today." Chandler added. "JFK Airport, 12:45"  
  
"Well, maybe it's batter that way."  
  
"So you're just leaving me now?" He asked. Monica shrugged.  
  
"I thought I'd give it a try this time." She said putting on her coat and grabbing her purse. She was gone before he could say anything more.  
  
Oh it's been too many times and I can't go back  
  
Night bars, guitars, ran down motels like shacks  
  
What it amounts to I don't want it at all  
  
I lost you and I want you today  
  
Misty green and blue  
  
Love to love to love you  
  
Misty green and blue  
  
Love to love to love you  
  
Don't say that you'll never know  
  
Love to love to love you  
  
Misty green and blue  
  
Love to love to love you  
  
Misty green and blue  
  
Love to love to love you  
  
Monica was scared of her feelings, and the fact that deep down she still loved Chandler with every inch of her heart. She regretted leaving that hotel room; she may never see him again as long as she lived! It never really struck her until she was driving away.  
  
Losing Hayley was only one of the hardest things in her life. She knew that her heart had been broken too many times. Was Chandler just going to do it again? Was she even willing to take that chance?  
  
Monica pulled into her driveway to see Phoebe and Joey's car outside along with Ross and Rachel's. She sighed, knowing that Phoebe and Joey were leaving today and she should have been there, but she was just pulling in at noon, while they were leaving in half an hour. She got out of her car and walked up the steps. Phoebe and Joey met her at the door.  
  
"Thank GOD!" Phoebe laughed.  
  
"We thought we were going to have to leave without saying goodbye!" Joey added. Ross and Rachel came out front as well.  
  
"Where were you?" Ross asked. Monica shrugged.  
  
"I needed some time to myself." She concluded.  
  
"So, you really can't go with us to the airport?" Phoebe begged. Monica shook her head.  
  
"I'm sorry, I have stuff I need to do around here. It's about time life got back to normal. Plus, I have some packing to do. There's a little apartment in New York I'm looking into. It's really nice."  
  
"Okay." Joey said sadly. A light bulb went on above Monica's head.  
  
"Oh, quick, come with me into Hayley's room, I want to give you guys something."  
  
Monica hurried inside the house and down to her room, Phoebe Joey and the rest right behind her. Once Monica was inside, she began thumbing through stuffed animals. She moved over to the desk and opened a drawer when something caught her eye. Monica reached down and pulled out a piece of paper with Hayley's drawing on it. She could tell it was Hayley's by the way the people in the picture didn't have a torso, only a head with limps coming out.  
  
There was a little drawing with three people: Mommy, Hayley, and Daddy. Hayley drew a family portrait of the family that never truly existed for her. There they were, all three of them holding hands. Monica's eyes welled up with tears and she looked at Joey and Phoebe.  
  
"Uh, are you going to JFK airport?" Monica asked. Phoebe and Joey nodded. "Well, we'd better get you there in time, let's go!" She was going to get Chandler back.  
  
Monica explained the whole story to all of them in the car on the way there.  
  
"So, you're going to do it?" Rachel shrieked. "You're going to get him back?"  
  
"If this cab would move a little faster!" Monica said obviously sending a message to the driver, and the speed increased.  
  
"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Ross asked, being the usual skeptic. Monica shrugged.  
  
"All I know is that I'm going to give it my best shot. Hayley would have wanted it."  
  
"What changed you mind?" Joey asked.  
  
"Just a little help from Hayley." Monica said, gripping on to the drawing. "Everything's going to be just fine!"  
  
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((  
  
Monica rushed through the busy airport, pushing people out of her way. It was 12:35, and she had just said her final goodbyes to Joey and Phoebe, and now she was praying she didn't have to say another.  
  
"California, California........." Monica said to herself, checking the departure TV. It was there. She ran up to the ticket dealer.  
  
"I need a flight to California boarding now, please..." Monica said, pulling out her credit card. The lady typed into her computer before shaking her head.  
  
"Unfortunately-"she began.  
  
"No! Listen, I need a flight to California, NOW!" Monica stressed. The lady took Monica's credit card.  
  
"All I was going to say was there are only seats available in first class." The lady smirked. Monica rolled her eyes and bought her ticket, rushing to make the plane before departure.  
  
Getting on the plane was no problem, finding Chandler was. She had to peel through screaming babies and old people just to spot him towards the back of the plane, eyes closed and listening to a CD Walkman. She inched over to the rotund woman sitting next to him.  
  
"Hi." Monica whispered. The lady looked at Monica oddly. "I know this is a weird question, but will you switch me seats?" Monica begged. The lady began mumbling, 'I don't know-"when Monica showed her her ticket. All the lady read was the first class seat and she agreed. Monica took a seat right next to Chandler, who had yet to realize Monica was even there.  
  
Monica gazed at him, and smiled before dropping the drawing onto his hands. He flinched and looked up to see Monica and a giant smile broke across his lips. Before he could say anything, Monica put her hand to his mouth.  
  
"I just had to give you that." She said, pointing to the picture. "It's from Hayley." She added. Chandler stared at the drawing, eyes welling up.  
  
"Is that it?" he asked. Monica stared deep into his eyes.  
  
"And this." She said, pressing her lips to his. Chandler smiled and embraced the kiss happily.  
  
"Are you sure?" He asked . Monica nodded.  
  
"Hayley would have wanted this."  
  
Sometimes in life, love equals loss. At least now, Hayley's loss created a love that needed to be found. Monica and Chandler remarried and had more children, living happily ever after. Chandler stayed faithful, but no one forgot of the gifts Hayley brought to them. Monica and Chandler were bound together by tragedy.  
  
XOXOELIZABETHXOXO  
  
"Love to Love" by the Djali Zwan. BEAUTIFUL SONG.


End file.
